


Waddles: The Widdlest Wampire

by PanPacificPines



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Vampire au?, horror?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4899886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanPacificPines/pseuds/PanPacificPines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Horror? drabble, wherein Dipper suspects that Waddles is a vampire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waddles: The Widdlest Wampire

It started two weeks ago when Dipper could have sworn that he saw a red glow in Waddles’ eyes.   
Then days later he could have sworn that he was staring down a squirrel and hypnotizing it.   
There was even a time when he noted the pig seeming to float above the ground as it played around inside the shack.   
He hadn’t let the pig sleep in their room since and there was no way he’d let it be alone with his sister. He could hear the telltale flapping of leathery wings but never saw any bats. It finally came to a head, however, when he started setting vampire traps for Mabel’s little pink pet.

He lured him outside during bright noon light and he could have sworn smoke was rising from the animal but he didn’t squeal or seem bothered by it. He just ate the turnips and cabbages that dipper had set out and bounded back in to play with Mabel. 

The mirror test was inconclusive too. After all, rocks and skeletons had reflections and they didn’t have souls….most of the time anyway. 

The research He’d poured over, including the journals, had all been pretty inconclusive. One source would seemingly debunk rather harshly what another source had proven conclusively.   
Crosses and a bowl full of holy water didn’t do anything, but that could always be attributed to the little porker simply being too dumb to recognize the meaning of the symbols. 

Mabel finally put her foot down when Dipper tried luring him across moving water.

“Dip! Gravity Falls river is way too deep for my little oinker!” She held her little pink child to her chest.  
“It’s just one last test!” He protested, shaking his spiral notebook covered with his notes scrawled on half of the pages.  
“No! I’ve humored you enough! Waddles is just a little piggie! And he’s my piggie!”  
“I could swear I smell bacon whenever he’s outside!!”  
“DIPPER! We don’t use the B word in front of Waddles!”  
“I’m telling you! There’s something not right with him!”  
“Can’t Vampires only drink blood? Like don’t they get sick or whatever if they eat solid food? You’ve seen Waddles actually win eating contests with Gompers. Gompers, Dipper! Gompers is a goat, you know.”  
“I know, Mabel.”  
“Dipper!”  
“Yes!?”  
“GOAT!”  
“I get it! I get it! I’m just saying, maybe like half the rules we hear about in pop culture were either just made up by people who think they’re fictional; or hell, who knows? Maybe they spread around rumors about what they can’t do so conversations just like this happen!?”

Mabel rather exaggeratedly and dramatically rolled her eyes, grimacing at her brother while she hugs her pet defensively.   
“So, what? You’re saying vampires might just throw back handfuls of garlic to throw off suspicion? If so they’d be pretty easy to find, Dip. Just follow around Toby Determined, cuz he’s basically a walking, talking, fish lipped, mustachio’d bulb of garlic!”  
“Who knows, Mabel? This town hides all sorts of weird secrets! I mean, for all we know, Toby could be a vampire! When we went back in time 10 years he looked exactly the same! I even looked up some of his archives to be sure and for at least the past twenty years he hasn’t changed at all! I mean, how old is he even!?”  
“Dip. You’ve seen Toby during the daytime, as horrifying as that might be. Isn’t that kinda stretching? Some people just pick a face and keep it forever. Like Keanu Reeves.”  
“Aha! See, there’s a solution that modern times provides!” With that Dipper reached into the cavernous inner pockets of his ever present vest and whipped out a tube of lotion. “SPF Ten-Thousand! Should be more than enough to make the occasional daytime appearance to throw off suspicions! It honestly wasn’t even hard to find in town.”  
“And you’re saying Waddles rubbed that jank all over himself with his little piggy feet?”

“Uhh…well I guess not.”  
“Of course not, Dipper! He’s a pig! And he’s my baby! So you two need to get along!”  
“Well….”  
“No, Dipper. That’s enough. Come on. You’ve run out of tests here. So short of trying to stake my only child, which you are NOT going to try, I think it’s time to give this one up.”

He finally relented   
“Okay, Mabe. I’m sorry. I- I dunno. Maybe I’m just so used to seeing the occult around every corner?”  
“Weeell, in deference to your dumbness it usually is around every corner around here, but not this time. Okay?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay. Kiss and make up.”  
“Squoink!”  
“Mabel, I am not kissing a pig.”  
“KISS THE PIG! KISS THE PIG!” she chanted, thrusting Waddles’ into Dipper’s face over and over again until he finally surrendered.  
“Okay! Okay! Jeeze! I can’t win today!”  
“Or ever! Now, KISS HIM!” Dipper bent down slightly and planted a peck on Waddles’ forehead.   
“Wreeeee” The pig’s little legs wiggled back and forth.  
“Okay. Good enough?”  
“Yeah, bro-bro. Can we go home now?”  
“Yeah, sis. You got it.”  
“Dip?”  
“Yeah, Mabes?”  
“A vampire pig? Really?”  
“Yeah, no more Gravity falls public broadcast for me for a while.”  
“To say the least. Broseph.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later on that evening, Dipper had consented to Let the little bundle sleep in the attic with them once more. He drifted off quickly as he’d not been sleeping much in the past two weeks. 

A long shadow cast across his blanket draped form, dim moonlight shining in from the triangular window in between their beds. A round, squat creature floated clumsily from one side of the room to the one Dipper occupied. 

Tiny little pink toes scrabbled awkwardly at the mattress until waddles could hoist himself completely onto Dipper’s bed. A rich, deep voice echoed through the seemingly empty little pig head, though it couldn’t be heard out loud.

This one is too clever. He nearly had us so many times. We must be careful in the future should any others discover us. But no matter! He shan’t be a problem much longer. 

He opened his maw and once tiny little pig teeth elongated, unsheathing with demonic quiet as he lowered his snout towards the boy’s throat.

Suddenly he was being lifted up and away, his adorable little feet wiggled, trying in vain to grip the sheets.

What is the meaning of this interruption?! I must feed!

“Waddles. Silly Piggie. You sleep over in Mommy’s bed, not Dipper’s.” The girl cuddled her pet lovingly and set him back down on the ground.

Yes mother. (Though outwardly it came out as Gwoink!) He hopped back over towards her half of the attic to burrow under her comforter.

 

 

 

 

“Besides” Her sleeping gown fluttered under her, as if pushed around by some unseen force. Her toes glided just above the surface of the old wooden planks of the attic floor. “This one is special to mommy. We wouldn’t want you to hurt him or turn him into a ghoul.” As a dark cloud passed in front of the moon, casting the room into darkness, her eyes seemed to open a second time, illuminating her brother’s form with a pale amber glow. “You’ll leave this to mother.” What would have once been a glint of metal in the dim light was replaced by a gleam of pointed ivory when her lips parted into a predatory rictus grin.


End file.
